OUR HOPE IS IN JESUS

George Herbert, an English Poet in the 17 century, wrote these words: “He that lives in hope dances without music.” We had finally got a girl! After having three boys, we never thought we would have the possibility to have a girl, but, in July 2003, she arrived. Her name was Meeghan Lyn Hodges. Meeghan was a beautiful child with gorgeous curly hair and a smile that could melt your heart. She was like any other little girl: she played, she laughed, she got into trouble, but she was our girl! It was Tuesday, February 22, 2005. Malia and I woke up that morning as we normally did and went into Meeghan’s room to get her out of her crib. This morning was a little different though. Instead of a cheerful little girl standing up in her crib with arms outstretched, we found Meeghan with little energy and having difficulty standing. We got her out of her crib and, since we all were not feeling well, we all crawled back into bed to rest. As the morning progressed, we realized something wasn’t right with Meeghan. Around 11:00, I went to work and Malia took Meeghan to the doctor. I was called a little while later and told that the doctors wanted Meeghan to be taken to Baton Rouge General Hospital. Not realizing the severity of the problem, I slowly made my way to the hospital. When I arrived at the hospital, Malia informed me that something was very wrong. Meeghan was placed in PICU where she was diagnosed with having a major stroke. We later learned that she had endocarditis which caused a blood clot to shoot directly to her brain. By Thursday night Meeghan’s little brain had herniated twice and we were faced with the reality that we had to let Meeghan go. By Friday morning, February 25th, Meeghan’s heart stopped and she went to be with her Heavenly Father. To say that that was the darkest time in my life would be only scratching the surface of the pain I experienced. We had to learn how to live again. We had to learn what the new normal of life was going to be. You may think that as a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I would have no issues holding on to the truth of God’s Word. That was the furthest thing from the truth. I stayed in a very dark hole for months. I had totally lost hope. About 6 months after Meeghan’s death, I had gotten to such a dark place that I was having trouble coping with life. I was not dealing with my work well. I was not dealing with family well. I was really messed-up. There was a moment - I remember it like it was yesterday – when the pain was so intense that I did not see a way out of it and I contemplated how to take my own life. I was having a very difficult time hoping in the Lord. It was at that moment that I heard my God say, “I know your pain and I will see you through it.” God reminded me of the family I had and how they needed and wanted me. Soon afterwards with the encouragement of my wife, I sought medical help for major depression. I believe God allowed me to get to the point where all I had was Jesus. All I could place my hope in was the living Lord. I may not understand all that God is doing but I do know that Jesus is with me every step of the way and that He has prepared a place for me where I will go someday and be reunited with my daughter. Joni Eareckson Tada said it like this, “The best we can hope for in this life is a knothole peek at the shining realities ahead. Yet a glimpse is enough. It's enough to convince our hearts that whatever sufferings and sorrows currently assail us aren't worthy of comparison to that which awaits us over the horizon.”